being a bum because of fear

I was a bum yesterday, and the best way I can think of to describe why is fear. Every so often I just get afraid of writing for various reasons - afraid that it is a mirage and it really isn't going as well as I think it is, afraid that I won't be able to keep it up, afraid that something will go wrong and mess things up - pick one. The fear tends to immobilize me. Yesterday I did not write anything beyond my morning scribbles in my journal and notes to myself in my planner and to-do notebook to make sure I did not forget anything. I did forget the writing, though, and yesterday evening, I was depressed. This time of year, writing feels like sunshine to me. I have started writing on the novel already today, and typing a blurb on the blog is me taking a break, and also making a promise to myself that I will finish the full 2,500 words I have set out to do today. I know I probably won't be able to do the 2,500 words tomorrow because of the simple fact that I will be substitute teaching. Long as my arms are, I probably shouldn't try to type from the high school, and I should probably focus more on keeping the students from doing anything foolish while they are in my class. Knowing the teacher I am subbing for, I will probably be making them watch a video and take notes or do some worksheets, or something along those lines, so I will bring my knitting bag along with me. I can knit well enough to be able to watch the kids and knit at the same time, so that will be my creativity for tomorrow, at least until I get to the writer's club meeting at the library tomorrow evening. But for now, I am going to stop procrastinating by typing away at the blog, and get some rough draft written . . .
Okay, I have written for a while now, and I managed to break the seventy thousand word mark on my rough draft today. That involved writing 2,983 words today - more than the 2,500 goal, but since I was so close to breaking seventy thousand anyway, I thought I would plug along and conquer that today, especially since I will be subbing tomorrow and not able to write as much. In the story line, two characters died today, so the writing was rather dramatic. I am going to leave it as is for a while and review it later; I think I am too close to it right now to look at it and decide if it is too cheesy or overdone or anything like that. This is the part where I keep rough draft writing and editing separate. i might have to do a little victory dance for having broken seventy thousand today! This is a lot better than the immobilized fear I let myself focus on yesterday.