feels more like i'm writing again

I worked on the novel some today. I didn't get a whole lot done, just my baseline 750 words of rough draft goal, but it felt good to actually get some work done on it. It felt like coming home again. Yesterday was also writer's club day at the public library, so I got some feedback on the novel. That also helped me to feel like I was making some progress, and to see the novel on a larger scale rather than focusing on the hiccups and bumps you always seem to encounter in the day to day rough draft writing. I have had happy news and sad news in large scale in my life recently. I won't go into the details, but it makes me stand back and realize how much life is prone to changing without our knowledge or permission. Maybe I need to incorporate that more into the novel. I believe I've got it in there to some degree already. It feels good to write again, even if I am still rather fuzz-brained.

Creativity calling to me

I still feel like junk. When my husband left for work this morning, he put me under orders to take a nap as soon as I finished with the vital stuff like eating breakfast and taking my morning meds. I just woke up from the nap, and I still feel fuzz-brained, but I also want very much to write. I find myself missing the characters I have created in my novel, missing both the creativity and the adventure of discovery inherent in writing some on it. I have been writing the novel down on my to-do list even as I have been feeling icky. I haven't crossed it off in a while, but it has been there, a reminder that I do want to work on it. I think I will actually try to work on it today - test the waters and see how I do, even with my mind feeling more like pudding than crystal clear water. We'll see what comes out of the pudding.

still human

I haven't written a whole lot in the last while except for my morning scribbles - the free writing I do every morning when I am doing light therapy. I am experiencing the evidence that I am still human, and my health gets frail sometimes. I am trying not to get too frustrated by it. Epilepsy is decidedly not my favorite thing because when the balance gets thrown off, it can take a while and some finagling to get myself as close to functional as I can again. In the meantime, I am trying to do what I can, and trying to maintain the balance of feeling somewhat vaguely useful and not pushing my already stressed body and mind too much. I haven't been sleeping very well, and I've been having strange dreams, which is evidence that I am worrying too much about being on a downswing as far as my epilepsy goes. I've already gone through feeling frustrated about it this go-round. Now I am trying to focus more on what I can do, and trying to enjoy the down time. Not everyone gets forced down time like that. I don't always succeed in being as optimistic, but I am trying to be. If nothing else, there are a lot of blessings and positive things happening in my life too. I can observe everything that I see happening around me, even take some notes when something strikes, me, and when I feel a little better; when I don't feel so fuzz-brained and disconnected from the world as I do right now, perhaps I will write about it and find a story line in there.